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<title>I Named Myself After a Bottle of Kethcup by Silveraro</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26183218">I Named Myself After a Bottle of Kethcup</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silveraro/pseuds/Silveraro'>Silveraro</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Perry the Transpuss [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Phineas and Ferb</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(you can read human or platypus), Alternate Universe - Human, British Sign Language, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Human Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), Immigration &amp; Emigration, LGBTQ Character, Ocelots, Sign Language, Trans Character, Trans Doofenshmirtz, Trans Heinz Doofenshmirtz, Trans Male Character, Trans Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), heinz ketchup - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:08:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,014</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26183218</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silveraro/pseuds/Silveraro</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Now behold my transinator! It makes all cis people trans so they all know what I went through!</p><p>------<br/>Doctor Doofenshmirtz's and his life story</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Heinz Doofenshmirtz &amp; Perry the Platypus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Perry the Transpuss [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1897066</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>134</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Named Myself After a Bottle of Kethcup</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“You see Perry the Platypus, I came into the world as a disappointment, I was scrawny, red in the face and wailing.” He took a deep breath “I was also a girl,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perry blinked, pushing both his hands out in a c shape. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Carry on”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“After 16 whole hours of trying to push me out, mother looked at me, a girl in the doctor’s arms, back at the empty chair where my father should have been and then back at me, wailing, a girl, an extra mouth to feed, and dashed. The doctor had never seen a woman who just gave birth mere moments ago run so fast. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The hospital’s staff had done this before many times and pulled out a baby name book from under the bed- apparently, this happened so many times the time paying the nurses to go get a baby book was more expensive than having a baby book per bed- and they named me a random name from the page they opened the book onto. They named me Portia. Do you know what that means, Perry the Platypus? It means pig! I was only a few minutes old and was already being insulted by random strangers.“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perry rolled his eyes and churred sympathetically.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Perry the Platypus. Now standard procedure in the 1960s for abandoned babies was to give them over to foster care, but the nurses apparently thought that was too much effort so they dumped both me and my birth certificate in the lost and found bin in the hope someone would steal me into slavery or something. But I was too ugly and annoying for slavery, and after the two weeks, they emptied the lost and found bin in the middle of the woods and I was chucked out along with the old coats and mouldy food. And I was never seen again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perry started to escape the trap, sure the back story was over…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Until I was 8,” Perry groaned. A long one, not like he had anything to do today or anything</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Quiet you, As I was saying. Until I was 8 when the ocelots that adopted me returned me to the Doofenshmirtz cottage. Yes, Perry the Platypus, I was adopted by ocelots, no I don’t know how ocelots that are native to South America got to Drusselstein but regardless they were 100% ocelots. Ocelots raised me, laugh it up Perry the Platypus.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perry gave him a look </span>
  <em>
    <span>My code name is Platypus</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“So mama ocelot dropped me back home at the age of 8 after she got sick of raising me. And as ocelots are adults after only half a year I’d say she had put up with me for long enough. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So I was apart of society now, and that meant I had to wear “sociably acceptable” clothes for a young woman. Before I did wear clothes as I had no fur, but they were from the remaining lost and found box clothes- I had a pair of men’s trousers mama ocelot sliced to knee length and an old boys shirt- that was probably owned by a dead kid now I think about it- and short hair, sliced by mama ocelot again. But now I had to wear dresses and regrow my hair. Fortunately- at least for my parents- they had just made a pile of dresses because they thought I was having a sister but they had my brother- Roger, ugh Roger. Did they listen to me asking for trousers? No. Even though it was starting to be acceptable in the rest of the world, Drusselstein is about 4 centuries behind. Also, I was able to talk, don’t know how even though you can’t! What’s your excuse?” He promptly got a ball in the face. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Get on with it. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, sorry about that Perry the Platypus, that was unnecessary. I’ll pay for our next meal out as an apology, I’ll continue. The only time I was able to wear trousers was when I was on knome shift. Having a female knome was worse than not having one so I had to stand there in trousers, which I was happy with and an itchy fake beard which I was less of a fan of. But you already know this, Perry the Platypus.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the age of 14, I found an LGBT flyer that had floated over the border from Germany and found the term transgender and cisgender. I thought my mother would love me if I could be a cis girl, so at the age of 15, I invented the cisinator to make myself cis. Its the only one of my inators that have worked but not in the way I thought. I woke up, still a boy, but now I had a flat chest and a dick. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I had to leave home after that. I got on a boat to America. While on the boat I realised I’d need a new name, as Portia was a girls name and I wasn’t a girl- physically or mentally- so I found a bottle of ketchup. Heinz ketchup. Don’t laugh, Perry the Platypus, I was an innocent young boy who spoke virtually no English. I thought Heinz sounded like a good name. It is a name too! It means Ruler of the Home so shut up! Your name means Dwelling by a Pear Tree. <br/>
</span>
  <span>Now behold my transinator! It makes all cis people trans so they all know what I went through! Including my brother Roger, or should I say my sister Rogine!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He waited a few seconds “Well my backstory is done, you can attack me now... wait you're not one of those terfs who refuses to fight me now? You better not be Perry the Platypus, you're meant to be a good guy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perry just wiggled out, reaching into his hat and passed a leaflet for the OWCA (and nemesis) LGBT club to Doofenshmirtz. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why thank you Perry the Platypus, I’ll be sure to attend thi…” he got cut off by a kick in the face.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, so, we're fighting now?”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This purely exists because of a bottle of Heinz Ketchup</p></blockquote></div></div>
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